There’s a reason why you are the person you are today… And there’s a reason for everything that’s going on inside of you. Let’s explore this together…
Typically people approach me with the following topics:
- You want find out why you are the person you are today?
- Do you want to understand why you have certain thoughts, patterns, behaviours and beliefs?
- Do you want to understand your emotions and triggers?
- You want to understand why you behave a certain way?
- Do you want to know what that inner critical voice is about?
- Do you feel that you have some outdated beliefs from your parents, that are just not yours but they still influence your life?
- Do others say you are a people pleaser, perfectionist, procrastinator, and you notice that it’s actually a problem for you?
- You’re noticing that suppressing emotions and feelings somehow doesn’t work on the long run and you want to do something about them?
I’m open to listen to your story… Contact me and we explore together what’s there to learn.
Or you can directly book a meeting.
IFS
IFS stands for Internal Family Systems. It offers us a deeper understanding of what is going on in each moment inside of us. In IFS we see our internal world as our internal family. To see why some of the members are stuck, behave a certain way, believe certain things… We will help those parts that populate our inner worlds. Some of those parts long to transform, but are stuck in their extreme and destructive roles…
What is IFS exactly and how does it work?
IFS is a therapeutic approach developed by Richard Schwartz in the 1980s. It is based on the premise that individuals have multiple parts or sub-personalities within them, each with its own unique beliefs, emotions, and behaviors. These parts may be in conflict with each other, leading to inner turmoil and psychological distress. IFS aims to help individuals understand and heal these internal conflicts, leading to greater self-awareness, inner harmony, and emotional balance.
According to IFS, each person has a core self, which is the central, stable aspect of their personality. This self is capable of accessing inner wisdom, compassion, and healing energy. The self is seen as the leader of the internal system and is responsible for managing the other parts. The other parts are called sub-personalities or “parts” and may have various roles such as protectors, managers, exiles, or firefighters. Each part has its own unique purpose and function, and may have different levels of awareness and access to the person’s emotions and beliefs.
Protective parts are often the first to emerge in response to external or internal stressors. They aim to keep the person safe and protect them from harm. These parts may be overactive, leading to excessive anxiety or hypervigilance, or underactive, leading to avoidance or dissociation.
Manager parts are responsible for organizing the person’s life and controlling their behavior. They may be perfectionistic or critical, leading to self-judgment and self-doubt. They may also be controlling or rigid, leading to difficulty in adapting to change.
Exile parts are those that hold painful emotions, memories, or experiences that the person has tried to suppress or avoid. These parts may feel isolated, shameful, or vulnerable, and may lead to symptoms such as depression or anxiety.
Firefighter parts emerge in response to a crisis or trauma, and aim to distract or numb the person from the painful emotions associated with the experience. They may be impulsive or addictive, leading to behaviors such as substance abuse or self-harm.
In IFS we work with the client to identify and understand their different parts, and to develop a relationship with each part. To help the client to access their core self and to work with their protective and manager parts to create a more balanced and harmonious internal system. We also may help the client to work with their exile parts, helping them to process and heal the emotions and experiences that these parts hold.
IFS has been shown to be effective in treating a range of mental health conditions, including depression, anxiety, trauma, and addiction. It is also used as a self-help tool, as individuals can learn to apply the IFS framework to their own internal conflicts and relationships. IFS is a gentle and respectful approach that acknowledges the complexity and uniqueness of each person’s internal world, and aims to help them find a greater sense of peace and wholeness.
So…. how does it work?
IFS is about focussing inside, listening to all the things that are going on inside. To really understand each and every aspect of our system. And the better we get to know all of our parts, the easier it becomes to navigate in that inner world. Slowly you become friends with your parts and as it works in good relationships, trust develops. And with trust, parts become less rigid and eventually even soften their guard, show us what is underneath… why they have been working so hard for such a long time. When there is enough trust, we will get to know those parts that have been pushed away, invite them to release the pain they are carrying so our whole system can relax around that topic. And when our system is relaxed and calm, there’s a choice – a choice to feel, think and act differently.
Life Coaching and IFS
Why does it make sense to combine these two?
Combining coaching and Internal Family Systems (IFS) can provide a powerful and holistic approach to personal growth and development. Coaching is a goal-oriented, action-driven approach that focuses on identifying and achieving specific outcomes. IFS, on the other hand, is a therapy approach that aims to help individuals understand and heal their internal conflicts.
The combination of coaching and IFS can help you to identify your goals and work towards achieving them while also addressing any internal conflicts that may be getting in the way of your success. Coaching can provide a structure and accountability for goal-setting and action planning, while IFS can help you to identify and heal any limiting beliefs, emotions, or behaviors that may be hindering your progress.
By working with an IFS-trained coach, you can learn to identify and work with your different parts, including your protective and manager parts, to develop a more balanced and harmonious internal system. This can help you to overcome self-doubt, limiting beliefs, and negative self-talk that may be holding you back from achieving your goals.
Additionally, the IFS framework can help you to develop greater self-awareness, self-compassion, and emotional regulation, which can be invaluable in achieving long-term success and happiness. I can help youl to integrate these skills and strategies into your daily life, creating lasting positive changes.
Overall, the combination of coaching and IFS can provide a holistic and empowering approach to personal growth and development, helping to achieve goals while also finding greater peace and wholeness within yourself.
So… how exactly does that look like in practice?
In my sessions we normally start with a chat. We’ll talk about what is present in your life right now and what you would like in this session to happen. It is your time, to chat, to voice all the thoughts about a topic and the conclusions you’ve already made.
We explore why you are not in your life, where you want to be. Where is the resistance, where are the obstacles. This is where IFS comes into the picture. We’ll get to know the parts involved, hear them, get to know them – to really get their intention for you. I’ll support you to be as present as you possibly can be with your parts, to be curious and compassionate and explore where your beliefs, emotions, patterns and behaviours come from. The goal is not to just add another pattern on top, but to see what’s already there and is possible to change.
We will just see how the session goes and adapt to the speed your system is comfortable with. I won’t pressure you, we won’t go further than you and your parts are ready to go. You are the main focus of the session.
My intention for each session is to help you to have more connection to yourself. Because understanding your system better, knowing that you’re able to take care of your parts inside yourself, even in challenging situations is empowering. So you can be the compassionate and curious leader of your inner world.
Sounds interesting? Contact me to schedule a session or book a meeting.